"Woody Allen's" 10 Funny Inspirational Quotes For Self Improvement

It might take a little coffee or probably a few rounds of beer 

or any other booze you could get your hands on when it 

comes to relaxing after a hard day's work. 

Well, yeah I'm guilty about that one as well, unless I'm caught dead wearing a lampshade over my head after a few rounds of vodka… half-naked! 

Okay, bad example and I apologize to everyone reading this after getting nightmares about me in that state of drunken stupor.

Just don't ask how it happened, please.

But what's really interesting is that how do people go through the usual part of life when faced with vein-popping stress? 

I mean, the new age thing like Zen or yoga is one of the good things and it actually works. 

Is there room for the intellectual side of people who can actually smell the roses-in-a-can while on the move? 

It kind of had me thinking that there really must be something in this 'mind-over-matter' thing.

Humor is indeed the best medicine there is whenever you are stressed out. 

I mean anyone can pay good money to listen to a comedian just to make you wet your pants after laughing so hard. 

Despite of what's been happening, and to those who has gone through the ordeal, it's better to just laugh while facing the troubles with a clear mind than anger with a clouded vision. 

One of my favorite celebrities of all time may have to be Woody Allen. 

Now this is one guy who gives you the in-your-face bluntness that he pulls out with gusto, even without even trying. 

You can talk just about anything with a man, and he's bound to mock the subject and you'll end up laughing rather than being upset about it.

Woody Allen has this to say:

1. "Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." It sounds good to me, I mean the practicality of all things does involve money but it doesn't have to take an arm and a leg to get it.

2. "I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government." 'Nuff said.

3. "There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" This happens to be one of the classic ones. I mean the issue about life's little problems isn't all that bad, until 'he' shows up.

Sure, relationships can get complicated, or does have its complications that probably any author about relationships is bound to discover it soon. 

We follow what our heart desires, unless you're talking about the heart as in the heart that pumps blood throughout your body.

4. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions." And if you want more, just keep on asking!

5. "A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'." It sounds, 'practical', I think.

And when it comes to everyday life, he really knows how to make the best out of every possible scenario, and it doesn't involve a lawsuit if he strikes a nerve.

6. "Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." I never had a boat in my bathtub before. Just staring at it, while soaking in hot water, makes me seasick already.

7. "I am not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." If it rains, it pours.

8. "I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." It could get worse when you're guzzling on beer… or mouthwash and it happened to me once!

9. "If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans." At least he doesn't smite us with lightning, and I'm thankful for that.

And despite of what may happen to all of us in the next ten, twenty, or even thirty years, I guess we all have to see things in a different kind of light and not just perspective. 

I can't seem to imagine life without any piece of wisdom that could guide us. 

Whether we're religious or not, it takes more courage to accept your fears and learn how to deal with them is all that matters when it comes to even just getting along.

And to sum things up, here is the last nugget of wisdom to go by… however, whenever, and wherever we may be.

10. "The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have."



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